Tuesday, November 17, 2009
New England Patriot's Organization
Coach Bill Belichick
One Patriot's Place
Dear Coach Belichick,
First, may I call you Bill? I am sure you won’t mind. It is far better than what I was calling you around midnight Sunday. Bill, on behalf of myself and the rest of New England, I need to ask you if you have ever heard the expressions...you don’t tug on Superman’s cape, you don’t spit into the wind, you don’t pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger AND you don’t mess around when its 4th and two on your own twenty-eight? What!, what were you thinking.
Bill, let me describe my NFL Sunday night experience to you. I'm sitting, watching your/our team (The New England Patriots) go from "pounding" the Indianapolis Colts to "barely managing" them. There's a little over two minutes left in the game and it is 4th down and your/our team has two long yards to go for a first down. OK, I’m thinking...don't panic, we’ll boot that pig-skin deep down the Colt's throat. Hey, if Manning can march 80 yards down the field in 2 minutes the Colts deserve to win...but we’ll make them earn it.
Then I noticed Tom Brady your/our quarterback walked to the sidelines then came back onto the field. Now, I know Brady is good, but he can't punt, I don't think. My brain begins to stutter..."what - is - happening? - the - Pats - are - going – for – it”. Wait a minute, wait a minute, I wonder…am I confused, did I miscount? It must be 3rd down and not 4th? Then the TV screen flashes the bad news, 4th down and two…
OK, its late, I’m usually in bed by 7:30PM (so what, I get tired early). I start to think...am I disoriented? Are the Pats really on the Colts twenty-eight yard line and not their own twenty-eight. A quick field inspection proves that was not the case.
Whhhhaaaaat? Whhhhheeeere am I? Is this America football? Did they change some rule and I missed it? Are there five downs now? Bill truthfully, the last time I felt that confused was when I woke from being injected with sodium pentothal after a tooth extraction.
What were you thinking? Was the voice of former head coach Clive Rush whispering in your ear...(Spooky voice)Billlllllll, yoooouuuu aaarrreeee aaaaa gennnniussssss...gooo foorrrr ittttt Billlllll, goooo foorrrr ittttt...
Bill, as you painfully know, your team failed in its attempt for a first down. The Colts got the ball back, scored and won the game. Why didn’t you just boot the ball and pin Manning down on his own twenty and make him earn a victory instead of giving him one? Honest, I don't get it.
Coach, don’t you know there are certain unquestioned truths in this universe...you don’t tug on Superman’s cape, you don’t spit into the wind, you don’t pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger AND you don’t mess around when its 4th and two from your own twenty-eight.
Posted by Tony at 11/17/2009 09:25:00 AM